


How I Remain

by lexa_woods



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Fix-It of Sorts, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:35:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26923711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lexa_woods/pseuds/lexa_woods
Summary: Clarke decided if she was the last of the human race, destined to stay behind as punishment for her actions, then she was going to settle on Earth.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Comments: 14
Kudos: 161





	How I Remain

Just like that, everyone was gone. 

Clarke sat in the stillness and silence of the MCAP room, long after she’d watched the ball of light that had once been her daughter disappear through the ceiling.

No, not disappearing. 

Transcending. 

Madi hadn’t wanted to go. Clarke could tell she was fighting it as her body would glow and then fade back to normal, determined to stay there, to stay with her mother. As much as she didn’t want to say goodbye, it would have been selfish to keep Madi there. She was barely alive as it was. Cadogan had seen to that. Her sweet baby was nothing more than an empty shell, trapped inside her own body, unable to do anything. It broke Clarke’s heart seeing her like that and knowing Madi had done that to try and help, to  _ fix  _ things, just as she’d seen her mother do so many times before. 

Bill Cadogan had taken advantage of that, and he’d pushed the young girl’s mind further than it could take. He’d completely disregarded her life, only concerned about his stupid war — a war that hadn’t even been a war, after all. Jordan had been right; it was a test and one that Clarke had failed miserably, killing Cadogan, who had been unarmed and no threat to her, at least not inside the test. 

She’d do it again, too. There wasn’t any outcome in which she wouldn’t have. It was what he deserved. 

An eye for an eye. A life for a life. 

Jus drein jus daun. 

That part of the Judge’s accusation hadn’t been wrong. It had been hard for Clarke, seeing the being wearing Lexa’s face. As soon as she’d heard the voice, she’d known. It was a voice she hadn’t heard in an age, but one she would never forget. She knew it wasn’t Lexa, but it hadn’t stopped her from running right into those arms. From hugging her tight and breathing in that familiar scent. So many memories had come rushing back, and Clarke didn’t care that it wasn’t truly her. She needed this moment, this  _ comfort _ , that only Lexa could provide, and so she took the time to just let herself have it before facing the judgment she knew was coming, the test she was now unwillingly taking, the one she’d undeniably failed.

It should’ve been Raven. She should have been the one to take this test. It was always Clarke. She was the one who always took the lead, did the hard things that no one else could do. Every time, she managed to do it. She always came through. Except this time, Clarke had made this decision with her heart, not her head, and let her need for vengeance guide her. All of her friends and the rest of humanity were going to die because of her, because of her selfishness. This time, Clarke hadn’t saved them. She had damned them. 

In the end, though, Raven saved the day. Clarke didn’t know the details of it, but as she left the building and made her way through the battlefield, now empty and quiet, it was obvious something had happened. There were no people left, just odd shapes of light, stretched toward the sky, where they had all transcended. 

Using the Anomaly Stone on Bardo, Clarke traveled to Sanctum. She walked around, calling out the names of her friends, only to be met with the eerie silence of the now-abandoned moon. Except for the barking that greeted her as Picasso came running towards her. A smile replaced the frown and Clarke gave the dog a rub behind the ears in greeting. It seemed the two of them were all that was left. 

_ At least I’m not alone, right?  _

Clarke decided if she was the last of the human race, destined to stay behind as punishment for her actions, then she was going to settle on Earth. Another trip through the wormhole landed her back in the bunker and as she exited out into the forest, Picasso took off running. Chasing after the dog, Clarke tried her best to keep up, but ultimately realized there was no way she was going to catch up. Stepping out of the forest, Clarke found herself on the rocky shore of a large and beautiful lake.

“Picasso!” She cried out, voice cracking with emotion as blue eyes scanned the area. She lifted a hand to shield the bright sun, but still no sight of the animal anywhere. “I don’t want to be alone!” Clarke yelled, to the deserted shore. 

“I don’t want to be alone.” Words repeated, this time much quieter and tinged with the fear and sadness she felt at the prospect. 

“You’re not,” said that familiar voice again, and Clarke turned to see the Judge, again looking so much like her lost love it made her heart  _ ache _ . 

God, not this again. 

“What do you want?” Clarke bit out, annoyance heavy in her words. She didn’t want to see this pseudo-Lexa again — the so-called Judge who’d banished her to a life alone while everyone else was allowed to transcend. 

She’d started to walk as the question fell from her lips, but suddenly she stopped, spun on her heel, and glared at the being wearing the face of the woman she loved. 

“Actually, don’t bother answering. I don’t want to hear it. I get it.” Clarke was angry, so her companion just stayed quiet and let the blonde speak. “I have to be punished for my actions because clearly, I’m the only one who’s ever what? Sinned? The only one who didn’t deserve to transcend because of the decisions I’ve made?”

Blue eyes flashed as Clarke clenched her jaw tightly, fists clenched at her side. She was angry, sure, but it was more fear than anything. Fear of being alone. She was glad that everyone got to be safe and live forever, or whatever the hell went along with this whole transcendence thing. But her penance for this was to stay alone on Earth? The last of her kind, banished from wherever it was her daughter and friends had transcended to. 

Again, before her questions could even be answered, Clarke let out a huff, shaking her head as she walked away. 

“Whatever it is, I don’t want to hear it, just leave me alone.” This made Clarke roll her eyes at herself, because honestly, how else could she be left at this point? She  _ was  _ alone. Except for Picasso, if she was even here anymore. “I get it. I bear it so they don’t have to. Again.”

Except Clarke didn’t want to bear it anymore. She didn’t want to suffer penance for her actions. She hadn’t been the only one to do bad things, to make bad decisions, but she was the only one who was being made to pay for them. Bill Cadogan deserved to die and she didn’t regret killing him. She didn’t regret many of her choices. She had done them to protect those she loved. To save those she loved. 

Would she do it again? 

You’re damn right she would have. 

But this punishment felt a little extreme. All she’d given of herself, all she’d sacrificed and lost, for what? To end up alone? To be the last living person in the world, doomed to live out the rest of her days without anyone else? It hardly seemed fair. 

“You wanted me to be alone, so just let me be that way. Actually, go to hell. If that’s even a real thing. I’m done with this. I’m done with you.”

Clarke turned away from the being wearing Lexa’s face once again, stalking away from her angrily. Tears were stinging her eyes, but she’d be damned if she was going to let this  _ thing  _ see her cry. 

“Clarke.” 

The voice called after her, and the familiarity of it called out to Clarke, urging her to stop. If that voice had belonged to the person it sounded like, she might have, but it didn’t, and seeing that face,  _ her _ face, only made Clarke hurt more. It only reminded her of everything she’d lost and would never have again. 

Instead, she continued to walk, determined to put some kind of distance between them in hopes she would get the hint and leave her alone. 

“Clarke.”

No. She wasn't doing this.

" _ Klark. Hod up. _ "

Clarke had only made it a few steps when that voice called to her again. This time, it came out louder, sounding like an order, rather than a plea. Something about the tone of that voice made Clarke stop dead in her tracks. Something about the way it was said, the presence it had commanded, had her heart pounding loudly in her chest. She knew it was stupid. She knew it was only the sound of it and the face it was wearing and the language it was using that had her reacting and feeling like this. 

But still, she stopped. 

“Why are you still here?” Clarke’s tone was low and angry as she turned to look at Lexa’s face once again. Was this her punishment? To have to look upon that face, into those eyes, knowing everything she'd sacrificed and lost. To be here, alone, with only her memories and regrets to keep her company.

Clarke fought back tears as she stood there, a few feet away, waiting for more words she didn't want to hear about why she didn't get to transcend with the others. Why she had to suffer despite all she'd sacrificed. Why she had to lose even more people.

"What?" The blonde demanded when this being wearing Lexa's face just stood there, looking at her, not saying anything. "What do you want from me? Haven't you done enough? Haven't I suffered enough? You wear her face, you speak in her voice. Don't you think you've punished me enough?!"

The tears she'd fought were now spilling down her face, Clarke couldn't hold them back if she tried. She just wanted to be alone. That was the entire point wasn't it?

Finally, breaking the silence, Lexa took a few steps closer to the emotional woman crying in front of her.

“I once said I would always be with you, didn’t I?”

The words were soft, but Clarke knew she hadn't misheard what was said. Her brow furrowed in confusion and she sucked in a breath, holding it as blue eyes searched green. Did this mean what she thought it meant? Was it...?

"Lexa?" The question came out small and quiet, hopeful and desperate at the same time. It wasn't her. How could it be? The being, the Judge, had been wearing Lexa's face in the test and Clarke had known it wasn't really her, but she hadn't cared. Was this just another trick?

"Sha, Klark. It's me." A soft smile touched Lexa's lips and she nodded, tears filling her own eyes as the realization hit Clarke. The blonde rushed forward, closing the distance between them, launching herself into Lexa's arms and hugging her tightly. Her eyes fell closed and she knew, as Lexa hugged her back, hers were closed too.

Clarke clung to Lexa like she was terrified she would leave again, and they both stood there, like that, for several long seconds.

When she finally pulled away, Clarke held onto Lexa's arms and just stared at her. She couldn't believe it was really her.

"How? I don't understand. How is this possible? How are you here?"

Clarke’s eyes searched Lexa’s, curious and confused as to how any of this was real. She leaned into the warmth of Lexa’s hand as fingertips brushed gently across her cheeks, wiping her tears away.

"Just as I explained, death was not the end, Clarke." The Commander said. "What I did not know was that transcendence was a choice. I was given this choice once humanity passed the test and joined us. It would seem that you were not permitted to join the others. I could not leave you alone, Clarke. Despite your actions, they did want to show gratitude for all you have done. So, I was given this choice. To rejoin you on Earth, to live out the rest of my days with you or to stay there, where I would never know pain and never die."

Lexa smiled and held up her hand, palm facing Clarke. Clarke’s heart thundered in her chest as she pressed her palm to Lexa’s and they linked fingers. Lexa squeezed her fingers and grinned.

"I told you my spirit would choose wisely." Lexa teased lightly, following her words up with a soft kiss to receptive lips. Their foreheads rested together, Clarke still unable to believe this was really happening.

"It would seem now, Klark kom Skaikru, that we finally owe nothing more to our people."

All Clarke could do was smile because it was true. That promise of 'maybe, someday' she thought had died with Lexa was here. It was more than she could have hoped for, more than she probably deserved, but none of that mattered now. All that mattered was this and every day that would come after.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Hope you enjoyed the story! This is my first fic but more will be definitely be incoming.
> 
> Feel free to follow and chat with me about all things Clexa and The 100 on [Tumblr](http://lexawoodsfics.tumblr.com).


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